Kittens are better than puppies, babies and video cards

Peter found this hilarious article linked from Slashdot called Review: Juvenile felis catus.

"While domestic cats are a common feature of many computing environments, IT review sites have proven oddly unwilling to investigate this popular computer room accessory."

The review covers various topics, including Acquisition...

"Few computer hardware retailers also sell kittens. If you find one that does, you may actually just be having a weird dream. Check for flying monkeys."

Modes of operation...

"Note that kittens in standby mode still emit noticeable heat. This is normal; no efforts to cool the kitten with fans, heat sinks, water jackets or chilled Fluorinert immersion should be made."

Maintenance...

"Beyond food, water and occasional medication, there's no need to worry about cleaning your kitten. It ought to take care of the job itself... Any interest your kitten exhibits in other cleaning devices is not to be construed as an invitation to close them and turn them on."

Compatibility with existing hardware...

"No significant points of incompatibility have been found between the new kitten and my existing equipment. A box with some old cables in it has been slept in. My monitor and mouse pad have been sat on. My keyboard has been walked on, but not seriously enough to justify intervention

Compatibility with existing cats...

"I have not yet tested this feature, because I have reason to believe that the older model available to me, and the kitten, would not possess any common communication protocols."

At the end of the article, the reviewer rates kittens against other options...

"Herewith, a rundown of the relative merits of four options for the computer enthusiast - a kitten, a puppy, a baby, and (as a representative example of the more usual kind of home information technology purchase) a new video card."

The result, of course, is that kittens are the best. The puppy is second, followed by a new video card. Dead last is the baby, which pretty much goes without saying because those things are only good for stinking up the place, screaming and puking all the time, and being generally horrible.